My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are the jesus of drinking
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
