first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
