if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she woke up with a sticky ear
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
