Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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