I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Help. Why am I so naked?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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