Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
