i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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