Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
