A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
