you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
