My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.