Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I accidentally burped into my bong.

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  (405): I accidentally burped into my bong. http://tfl.nu/o9u9
  Replies (11) Good night (735) Bad night (2215)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.

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  (412): I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship. http://tfl.nu/nd0o
  Replies (20) Good night (2929) Bad night (814)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.

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  (720): You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer. http://tfl.nu/ndy8
  Replies (17) Good night (4754) Bad night (1166)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.

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  (206): Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life. http://tfl.nu/nb15
  Replies (12) Good night (2590) Bad night (871)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.

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  (267): i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man. http://tfl.nu/8n1a
  Replies (3) Good night (1548) Bad night (742)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(

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  (757): Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :( http://tfl.nu/ztju
  Replies (25) Good night (3594) Bad night (847)
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  (631): View more from New York

  did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?

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  (631): did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic? http://tfl.nu/zced
  Replies (5) Good night (2156) Bad night (652)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.

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  (815): I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good. http://tfl.nu/gzj9
  Replies (6) Good night (613) Bad night (1025)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this

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  (708): Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this http://tfl.nu/2xjb
  Replies (4) Good night (704) Bad night (1563)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick

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  (570): I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick http://tfl.nu/k83b
  Replies (3) Good night (614) Bad night (480)
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  (760): View more from California

  He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.

  (619): View more from California

  he what???

  (760): View more from California

  Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.

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  (760): He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came. (619): he what??? (760): Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans. http://tfl.nu/7sag
  Replies (6) Good night (2120) Bad night (441)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."

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  (914): Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover." http://tfl.nu/wk3b
  Replies (4) Good night (910) Bad night (650)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.

  (512): View more from Texas

  And loving it.

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  (504): I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week. (512): And loving it. http://tfl.nu/c8g6
  Replies (1) Good night (669) Bad night (328)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.

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  (763): just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl. http://tfl.nu/ywyq
  Replies (1) Good night (451) Bad night (233)
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  (845): View more from New York

  All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.

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  (845): All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along. http://tfl.nu/lu02
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (171)

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