the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.