Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.