Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
