remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.