Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just invented taco cereal.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
True college students do jello shots in the library
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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