My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
