Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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