FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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