I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
