guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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