I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize