Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
