hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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