turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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