a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
