when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
