I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
