She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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