oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
