I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
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ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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