My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
