I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
