I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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