Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm too high and old for this...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
