The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
