whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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