If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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