I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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