I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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