Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
