im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
