he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
