I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize