I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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