So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
