I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hippo gnu deer
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
