Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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