just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
