Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
