I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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