What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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