just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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