I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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