Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
God, I missed his penis.
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