i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize