and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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