I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
