made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
