my sisters under your porch take her home
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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