Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize