DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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