I'm lost and stupid without you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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