Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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