i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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