I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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